I am ready. For all of it. Bring it on, bitches. I’m on the brink. Push me off the edge.
My husband and I were talking last night about how this year has gone slowly for him, but way too quickly for me. So, I started thinking about why that was — and, since I’m an old lady now and my memory is crap, I jotted down a few notes to try and capture the essence of 2018 before it scoots out the door in my brain forever. Too long? Skip it and listen to this playlist instead. The year in song, yo.
This year was full of starts, and stops, and maybes, and pauses, false hopes, and realized dreams. I learned much, which I suppose is the hallmark of any year, the high water line we all strive for every January 1. But, for me, it was the kinds of things I learned that made this year so … odd.
- As hard as I strained to upend my apple cart, it stayed firmly rooted and balanced, in the place I parked it many years ago. I accept this.
- And yet. I threw out all the apples. And filled the cart with oranges. I think I like oranges better.
- You really can’t go home again. But you can write a book about it, which is the better option anyway. And more soul satisfying.
- My 16-year-old self is as much a stranger to me as the person behind me in line at the grocery store. She is a weird little bug that has little to no relevance to who I am now. Thank god.
- I am not the doctor. I am not your mother. I am not the one you go crying to in the middle of the night with your hurts, and your fears, and your heartbreaks. I care. But I care about MY heart more. And I care when I can see miles ahead, to the inevitable point when you’ve wrung every use you can get out of me and then would leave me on the side of the road like a limp rag. I now have enough self-respect to walk away first. I now have enough wisdom to know when I’m pulling the short straw. No offense. I hate being stuck at the high end of the teeter totter with no way down and I’m not going to do it anymore. Not for you. “No” is a complete sentence. So is “goodbye.”
- Drama is boring. Especially when it’s not MY drama.
- I know who I am. I don’t care if you don’t like it. And that’s finally the truth.
- I can do hard things. Fuck that. I can do IMPOSSIBLE things.
- I have an unfathomable well of light and love in my heart, matched only by the same infinity of hate and darkness.
- Everyone, and I do mean everyone, gets what they’re owed in the end. Sowing = reaping and you can’t plant noxious weeds and expect to get flowers. Word.
- Rise and fall, turn the wheel, because all life is, is really just a circle.
- Schadenfreude is sweet, sweet medicine. So is righteous revenge.
- Truth is a beautiful thing.
- My strength takes my breath away.
- Every life needs a year where nihilism runs the show.
- Sadly, Frenchmen are pigs, too.
- I am a self-contained unit. A proud, lonely, self-contained unit.
- Camaros are sexy and fun to drive. I really, really want a Camaro.
- My phone and social media are the devil. I should burn them in a fire. Right after I make this post.
- I am awed and humbled by the life I have lived so far, the experiences I have had, the dreams I have fulfilled, and the goals I have ahead of me. For the first time in all my 43 years, I do not wish that anything had been different. It’s all fuel now.
- I am ready. For all of it. Bring it on, bitches. I’m on the brink. Push me off the edge.
So, how was your year? Any good lessons? Gambles that paid off? Wins? Losses? Inquiring minds …